Thursday, June 20, 2013

pushing through

 
 
 
posts on w.i.t.n.b have been a little scarce of late as i overstretched myself with my uni / work / life balance. things got hectic. stress got high and time was definitely not on my side, HOWEVER while going through it i managed to take note. cos let's get real, life is never going to be smooth sailing, you are going to experience peak periods or overwhelming experiences that halt your happiness BUT after the dust settles it's how you recover and reevaluate that really counts!
 
so i asked myself how do i learn from this? what do i need to change? 
 
what leapt out at me was that i needed to cut back on my uni workload. for a year and a half i have battled full time uni while trying to work as much as i could. this came to a head last semester when i had to cut right back on work to get through the semester. this meant income wise i only had the bare essentials covered, my health and social budget suffered and while my health is still in better shape than it's ever been, the improvement i was striving for hasn't quite got there because i let it take a backseat to studying. SO what have i learnt. no money = stress, too much work / study = stress, not seeing friends / family = boredom, anxiety, stress.
 
AS soon as exams were over i had to reevaluate what is more important to me... fast tracking my degree for swifter career success or living a balanced, healthy, socially rewarding existence in the everyday. i decided on the latter but the former is a very popular choice and i think that's because we are indoctrinated to want more, more, more, NOW. we feel this need to always 'plan' out our future happiness, like the house, job, promotion, marriage, kids, holiday but this can mean we are so caught up in what could be, we dismiss and overlook what actually IS. and IS is where we live baby, the land of plans only exists in our minds. now don't get me wrong having goals is important but being consumed by them is a trap i know i tend to fall into. i become so fixated about the 'goal' that everything that comes before becomes a blur and you know what once you've got whatever it was, it don't always feel as amazing as you think it will. i think this may because with all the sacrifice that is required we have to believe that the outcome is worth it. we build up our expectations way beyond what is possible and lead ourselves into disappointment territory or a momentary high that we have to then come down from.  
 
so instead of feeling like time is against me, i've had to accept, the road to becoming a psychologist is a long one. i am going to be studying for the next four years of my life,  so you know what let's enjoy it, by fast tracking i was only going to lose a year of the process so really in the long run is it worth it? i'm thinking not really, it's your everyday that creates your happiness and while i was enjoying what i was doing it was being stifled by the stress i had created for myself. 
 
i've now dropped back to two subjects a semester which means i can work more, will have more money and can take better care of myself. i'm also flirting with extending a bali holiday next year as that place really does encourage the happy in me.
 
my immediate goals are to up the anti on my yoga practice (this has slipped with essays and exams clouding my brain), introduce a monthly massage into the mix and undertake another juice cleanse. i've also started using nike training clubs fitness app, which i highly recommend, anytime you have a spare 15-30 minutes just get out your iphone and get 'just do it'.
 
a slightly larger task is to become a successful saver. you see my relationship with money still isn't within the 'healthy' range. while i don't spend what i don't have anymore,  i am still very good at spending every last cent i do have. budgeting is not my talent and that's because spending for me is more than numbers, it's emotional. i am an emotional spender it's boredom, excitement, anxiety that tends to get me into trouble. i'm at the stage where i know i have a 'problem' i have made small inroads but it's time to take it further. so i set up two savings accounts, one i can't touch and one i can shift money around if need be... does a topshop sale count? oops sorry, that's the old me typing! and yet also brings me to my next point, i need to learn to fully appreciate what NEED vs WANT means and what purchases provide instant gratification versus a lasting enjoyment (like a $300 dress versus a dinner out with friends), while this is a fashionistas worst nightmare, they say the practice of gratitude can turn what we have into enough so hopefully i can become more zen about this!
 
more than anything these last few months remind me again and again that it's all about progress not perfection and sometimes i need to take my own advice: happiness is a choice and changing things that lead me down a darker path is up to me...


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